Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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