Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
