I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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