Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
