hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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