I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
