yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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