I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
