I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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