It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
