I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
