i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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