hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
