Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Damn victory sex feels great
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
