went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
