She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
