Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
