Your dad touched me again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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