I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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