well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
