I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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