I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
