You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
