I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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