She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
