I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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