After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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