I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
