I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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