Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
