You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
