we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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