Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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