I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
