ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
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I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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