my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
