I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
