In America we eat man semen.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
