i can't believe i had my finger in that
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
