He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
