I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
