I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
