who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
