Already got asked if we're dating
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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