i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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