Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I look better un-naked...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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