hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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