Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
God, I missed his penis.
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