Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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