I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize