I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
