Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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