The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
