i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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