its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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