even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
