Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize