Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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