That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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