I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
