did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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