I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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