If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My penis needs a shock collar
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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