You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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