I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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